Dear Friend

if you'll just call we'll talk it over i know you still have my number 'cause when i'm calling, you don't answer go on, use your constitution bear your arms of elocution but speech has never been as free as advertised but if the truth's unkind it's unkinder from behind if this is honesty, then why all of the secrecy and if it's true i failed then why would you go and tell the whole world before you spoke even a word to me? what's the use in throwing boulders? turn around, we're one year older pride can be the coldest shoulder why throw it all away? if love is what we say?

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Of Bridges Burned

i lit those bridges with that fire we couldn't put out then i stood outside and watched it as it burned from house to house and with a feigned sense of accomplishment i pretended not to cry i turned and muttered "now the worst has finally come" i kept your memory in a room inside the only house i couldn't bring myself to let the fire have its way with so while everyone expects the fire has cleansed the place i left what they don't know is i crossed that bridge before i burned it don't say her name where i can hear you and don't talk of the future in your hopeful tones don't try to say she wasn't worth it 'cause this fire's cost me everything i've owned. i made my way back through the city between the houses used for fuel sat down in your little room, took out the box marked "NEVER OPEN" now i'm sweating through my clothes and i am breathing in your smoke and i am keeping my eyes closed and i will die inside this home 'cause i tried living in the valley of the shadow of moving on but i couldn't breathe without your music in my lungs

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Family Feud

broken, broken like a spoke on some old wagon wheel gone by i'm wishing that fire that took my wife had taken me, ashen, to the sky to become the rain and fall upon this dust-ridden city where she died but no amount of whiskey spilt will grant to me this wish i wish tonight ten years before, i was eleven and a paragon of bitterness a victim of the system thrown like a parcel to a train and i watched my sisters shrink as my orphan eyes joined the horizon and i quickly became the splinter of my own universe until the day she broke my thorns and i became an honest man i loved my wife, i earned an honest living working with my hands and then last friday, she met heaven in a fire i couldn't quench if life's a highway i'm that body bagged and laying in the ditch Oh Warden! Bring the pardon! Or let this hanging (the swinging) soon commence! Oh Prison! this is ending! Innocence or Recompense! "let those doors have swung with purpose", i plead to my audience of none i need a scapegoat for my guilt; i need a target for my gun and then as if on cue, she eases through and takes a seat not seven feet from mine... and the night has just begun. i lost my inhibitions in a bottle, but it's not romance i crave and if the devil can't bring a man to chide, well, then a woman must be brave, it's not your gender, it's my history that's fueling this tirade it's not your figure, it's your timing, you will draw my ire in spades so i unleashed an army firing blazing arrows from my tongue and twenty minutes she endures it, but her patience now is done and now she's standing, her eyes filling, they meet mine, now they run i can't believe what i am seeing - she's reaching for her gun! and oh i beat her to the draw, and you can bet my aim was certain or maybe fatefully unlucky but shots one through through seven mostly hit their mark. the first three from me to her and then from just inside the door one sheriff's warning shot caught me off-guard and my last three found his heart and in a panic with no bullets left to clear my path to freedom i dove next to her to commandeer her weapon that still hadn't fired a round but to my horror underneath the dying fingers of that woman hidden in the place no gun existed i drew back at what i found it was a locket... with a picture... of my own dear dad and mother i collapsed upon my sister as my sentence fired down.

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You Are Home

i need an alibi for where i've been i knew better than to call you, but i did now i'm contemplating each dividing line between "mistake" and "i knew better, but i did" it isn't like i don't know how this ends i'll write another song, you'll write me off again and somewhere down the line i'll try to fall in love only to find that i can't do it, without you, it never seems to fit 'cause oh,you are home and no matter where i go, you're in my bones. and no matter where i sleep i never rest outside the place i keep my soul i'd ask you not to ever call again i'd do my best to focus on your worst offense i'd show you every ugly thing i hide behind my criminal's defense i'd fall asleep in houses i don't know i'd sit in silence when your song comes on the radio but doing everything that i've already done ...just doesn't make much sense.

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Sick or Determined

there's nowhere to balance between sick and determined the verdict will be determined by if you keep returning even if you're saying "no" well at least I'm still learning and someday i will figure you out if it takes all of my years, i will figure you out someday. you're a password on a rubix's cube encrypted in braille and all it takes is common sense to see that i'm gonna fail and i'll fail, and i'll fail, you're a complicated woman but someday i will figure you out if it takes all of my years i will figure you out someday and part of what it means to be a man is to believe in something grander than his hands can hold and faith and love are evidence of something more than circumstance at work beneath the skin and bone the logical, the monotone i can't explain, but still i know someday i will figure you out.

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Which Drink

so which drink did my memory drown in? and which thought was your first one to consider him? and which night... ...was the night when the kingdom i thought i was king of fell at the walls of the waves of a broken dam? (make me a broken man.) so if we're all guilty, then what's the point in pointing fingers, anyway? i'm no better, i'm just bitter, and i never got to say how it hit me when you told me: like a towtruck hauling a train... in a rainstorm... doing eighty... with the brakes out. and oh! the things i've tried to cover up and compromise put it up on a shelf, hide it in sheetrock, wrap it in cellophane but this is not a phase, you can't "ignore til it goes away" i've got to face this now; i've got to take these walls down. so this is the last song in a series titled "How You Broke My Heart" and i think it's the best one, now here comes my favorite part i forgive you. and i'm sorry. and i'm sorry it took so long and i wish you the best in everything (this is it! this is it! it's the song i could never sing when we were in love and it's dead. let it rest. let's not let us go on about a future that's passed away)

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Would We Liars Be

oh what a plan this is! oh, what a marv'lous sight unseen oh, future promises! (oh, for the love of broken things.) what will you do? will you come crashing back to bone and dust again? oh, ideal imaginations! oh, ignore the second-guess but no one ever said the future settles for the second-best. what will you do? will you come crawling back to truth with hat in hand? what will the truth demand of us? sing for love like a songbird sings for freedom, like a promise you can read between the lies. sing for hope, like a lost garden of eden; keep a post as if you'd ever recognize what choice for you and me? are we to suffer for our sins? or would we liars be? (order one more round of consequence.) your choice is obvious, but mine i cannot seem to keep in place. what, then of promises? what, then, of silence left unleft? what, then, of inner conflict? "intellect defying intellect"? what good's a word if it weighs nothing more than just the breath it wastes? the breath i waste...

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Kansas, I Decline

lawrence kansas, i decline i am sitting on a floor beside her i don't know why she's so sure that my intentions are impure i am almost certain they are not cause all this hurting has to stop i never asked for one more round but i guess i never turned it down now she's spinning while she's standing as she says: look at the stars, look at the stars she says look at the stars (she's a wreck)(she's a mess) look at the stars how pretty they are, she says look at the stars instead of my dress. i will be your sandpaper and you just be my name and i will push until the letters fade to dust and if i can't forget myself then i will push until you help i'm not the man i thought i was now she's saying when the cops show up we came here, we just came here to look! and now she's drinking while she drives and it's scaring me to death and i'm just hoping we arrive and i cannot catch my breath lawrence kansas, i decline i'm watching my decline watching my decline

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Last Camden Stand

admitted my defeat like any self-respecting man with no word to be heard, just a wave of the hand out the window out to no one who would ever ever see i guess it was more for me and you? you said goodbye without a word as well or a wave to any window, far as i could tell we used to talk for hours, now it's awkward and stale and i'm left to wonder how so if you find yourself alone and old the best that i can hope is that you never ever know if you had only let your heart unfold i could have loved you (but you never let me in.) i guess a promise of atlantis and a holy grail and seven hundred dollars worth of continental air weren't enough to bridge the ocean of a moat that you've been growing since before the day we met. and if i never tell you, then you'll never ever know so i'm waxing catastrophic on the telephone it's a wonder how i wonder how you only answer "no" and once again i'm left standing in the shadows of a castle that'll never be home brick upon a brick upon a mortar-covered stone you won't say what you're scared of, but i think i know if you never let 'em in, you'll never have to let 'em go. but is it really worth it if you finish up alone? i could have love you. (but you'll never ever know.)

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An Epistle for Sal

one of these days expect a letter in my old familiar style and i hope, if you should read it, you'll remember back when you believed what you would read and i believed in me that my love was big enough to make it better and i could write the words "i'm sorry" but instead it's "say goodbye" let's not waste another "wonder" on these "why?"s take the past off of your shoulders wear your future like a princess wears her gown (crown) and if you should see me, if you can try to forget the things i can't, so you can smile before you go... ...and bring down chapter 2 just because i got some closure doesn't mean that it's okay, there's a thousand shades of gray there in between them and somewhere there on the spectrum there's a technicolor heart wishing memories were different than he'd seen them and i could write the words "i love you" but instead it's "walk away" let's not let regret have one more yesterday...

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Good Medicine

I struggle to reconcile these words of hope and freedom and these minister's convictions with these verbal mausoleums battle-scarred emancipations and holy carpe-diems the battles and bombshells i have levied on myself in the form of you in the form of you now, how can these all co-exist the heartbreak for the dying? when my tries turned to failure my sighs gave way to crying now just look at this destruction good and evil still are fighting leaving mangled half-hearts in their wake they take their toll on you in the form of me in the form of me well, i've been an agent of the death of love i've been an angel from above don't mind the way i feel, please save yourself and i've derailed your stability you've given that ability to me and i can say i've done it well but we've failed the final challenge love we're both so out of balance love let's commit this suicide and save us all. well my heart will not forgive me for this unwilling extraction of your love from its controlling grips this unpardonable action will wage civil war between my heart and mind, the dueling factions never really got along too well i'll sell a heart that still belongs to you in the form of a tune But even my own heart's eternal unforgiveness does not measure in capacity for hurt and in it's volume of displeasure to the guilt that i would feel; having killed you to have kept you. if you ever had an ounce of trust believe me when i say you must be free from this infernal me well, i've been an agent of the death of love i've been an angel from above don't mind the way i feel, please save yourself and i've derailed your stability you've given that ability to me and i can say i've done it well but we've failed the final challenge love we're both so in and out of love let's commit this suicide and save us all. And oh, I love you still And I believe that you love me And oh, I love you still And I believe that you love me i believe that you love me... it's a paradox of such epic proportions i may never understand why anyone would ever bother to endeavor to make justified the columns of the right now and what's left forever underneath the layers of a heart that's partly me and partly you i am partly you. and for that precise equation i must separate my feelings and our futures for the sake of you the sake of your own healing if i let you be a part of me my self-destruction peeling back the layers of your love will take you down and i will not be that to you i will not be that to you well, i've been an agent of the death of love i've been an angel from above don't mind the way i feel, please save yourself and i've derailed your priorities you've given that ability to me and i can say i've done it well but we've failed the final challenge love we're both so out of balance love let's commit this suicide and save us all. yeah, we've failed the final challenge love, we've been so in and out of love let's commit this suicide and save us all let's commit this suicide and save us all let's commit this suicide and save us all...

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Dead Best Friends

You're not her / I'm not him There's no reason to pretend That time would leave unchanged those kids We fell in love, and then grew up I still see her once in awhile She comes back from the dead when you smile, but He's been gone since last July He finally died I'm sorry / It's over We won't hurt each other any more And i think that's what the people who fell in love would want I'm sorry / It's over We won't hurt each other any more And it's for the best. His dying words, his last request Always do what's for her best Keeping you would just have meant Playing God with what was left I'm sorry / It's over We won't hurt each other anymore And i think that's what the people who fell in love would want I'm sorry / It's over We won't hurt each other anymore...

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Kid, Way To Go

November fell like a man down a stairwell A Broken-up mess of a man who appeared, well A little old, a little cold, I asked how the air felt He told me "There's no air in Birmingham tonight Cause it's all tonic and no-doz Faceprints on windows" I ask but I don't know / I can't fit in my own clothes I'm still lost in those throes This love I can't get closed The one that makes me fear I'll never get it right I've never thought of it that way before Maybe i'm right, maybe i'm finally wrong You've really done it now, kid, way to go I hope you're proud of what you've done Well broken hearts beat broken men on any day, but then again A broken heart might do the trick to jump-kick-start this broken pen The broken thoughts, the broken limbs, this broken state I'm living in (What am I saying? that's what put me in this place!) I've never thought of it that way before Maybe I'm right, but I'll bet I'm finally wrong You've really done it now, kid - way to go I hope you're proud of what you've done (in background) well the castle is faded, the walls are obscene! the windows are looking out, oh, for the queen; she abandoned the castle, the moat's filled with acid, this moment is passing, thank God!" I've never thought of it that way before! I hope i'm right, I hope I'm finally wrong! You've really done it now, kid, way to go! I hope you're proud of what you've done!

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Road Map Eyes

You look a little crazy talking to yourself Boxes in the kitchen cover up the shelves I used to be the one that you would ask for help Now you only ask if I can go to hell. Listening to TV On The Radio So loudly that you're drowning out a whispered "no" Wondering exactly why you have to go As if somehow I did not know... Diana, where you sleep when I don't sleep Your road map eyes give you away So go, Diana, with your promise you can't keep: "I do, 'til death should separate" Another heart in pieces for a secret kept A reasonable offer for the price it is You're making it a nightmare 'cause I guess you guess When you finally walk away it's gonna hurt me less Boxes on the table with the labels on The sentimental value of a decade gone A fire full of memories on a yellow lawn The sentimental value of a heart done wrong... Diana, when you sleep where i don't sleep Your road map eyes give you away So go, Diana, with your promise you can't keep: "I do, 'til death should separate" Tell our friends That we've split Leave the blame Unexplained Anyway They all know Everyone Has to know... Diana, where you sleep when I don't sleep Your road map eyes give you away So go, Diana, with your promise you can't keep: "I do, 'til death should separate"

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Am I Trying?

disappointment is the only word that seems to come to mind so i try hard not to think about it when i say "i'm doing fine" is that lying or is it faith? 'cause despite mistakes i've made, i think i'm trying (what am i trying?) where are the words of truth i once knew how to speak? now excuses always seem to take their place am i the only one who recognizes this? or is my shame exposed to all the human race? i was aiming with my footsteps towards the finish of the race but it seems instead i'm only inching closer to the edge of grace so are they lessons or just bad habits that i'm learning with my time? 'cause i'm so tired of dragging mercy through these places where are the words of truth i once knew how to speak? now excuses always seem to take their place am i the only one who recognizes this? or is my shame exposed to all the human race? and it rains... and i can hear your words about me but i'm fake! how could you want to be around me? am i made just to whisper pleasant-sounding things i'll never really do? why do you continue to let me hurt you? ...so is it lying or is it faith? 'cause despite mistakes i've made i think i'm trying (what am i trying?)

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Del Cielo

i'll be waiting to meet you i'll be the first one to greet you and i'll sing a jubilant song 'cause you're home i've been waiting so long right now it seems like forever but try now, try to remember the times, now, that we had together ...for me 'cause i can't bear to see you cry and i'm sorry that i can't be there to see you through but i hope you hear me say 'i love you' and i'll see you again ...someday love is so much more than emotion my love lives with undying devotion so don't give into the notion i'm gone i've only gone home i miss you when we're apart but i'm with you - you're not forgotten i've been here watching you all along cheering you on til that final day and i'm sorry that you can't see me like i see you but i hope you hear me say 'i love you' and i'll see you again... i'm home - home where i've always wanted to be i hope you're happy for me i'm free - free from the burdens that troubled me there it's so wonderful here and i've seen so many things i could never describe in a day and oh by the way... ...i eagerly wait til i see you again... ...someday.

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