ALBUMS & LYRICS


I Am Only a Tiny Noise

2012




You Are Never Far From Home, You Are Never Close to Home

2008


Civil War Between My Heart and Mind

2006


NEVER WANT YOU BACK

I never told a lie I didn't wish was true/ She loves me like she's clinging to her life/ The future's a phone call from the grandchildren's room/ She loves being a mother, and she's an excellent wife/ But the silence finds truth between every word/ I threw my phone in the road in the busiest lane/ 'Cause it calls you by habit when I got nothing to say/ It won't let me pick up if it isn't your name/ And even if it did, what would I talk about anyway? "Cause my secrets are told by the silence I keep/ And the whole world's on mute: only your words repeat/ "I won't ever want you back/ It takes two, and I won't dance"/ Like you were taking out the trash/ Turning now into the past/ My brain knows the pain I'm about to endure/ So I'm stumbling through the day like I don't know my left from the ground/ It's like time is a surgeon; I'm under the knife/ And I'm not allowed to think 'til you're removed and I'm found/ But those phantom pains ache like I'm losing a limb/ When I reach out to touch you, you're just touching him. / "I won't ever want you back./ It takes two, and I won't dance."/ Like you were taking out the trash/ Turning now into the past./ "I won't ever want you back."/ "Keep my heart and keep my past/ And die alone from living fast."/ Three more lies I wish were fact.




BRIGHT

Sandpaper skin/ Pirate tongues/ All knives and wire and salted sun/ Your bullet wounds/ Your dirty lungs/ Armed to the teeth with poison rum/ And barbed wire/ We've been to war/ With darker days/ We fought ourselves with no escape/ But you wrote me down/ When I lost my name/ So, brother, I will do the same/ And I'll sit through the darkness with you/ 'Til we forget how to speak/ Saw a handful of pennies in half/ Just to watch the sparks remind us/ Of when we shone so bright/ Before the silence got too heavy to bear alone/ I've still got a little rage, a little fight;/ it's hidden under all my worst regrets/ And all my fears that say "the cautioneers were right/ So let's put the pedal down/ And see what kind of trouble we can find/ Remind ourselves that we are dangerous/ So I'll sit through the darkness with you/ 'Til we forget how to speak/ Saw a handful of pennies in half/ Just to watch the sparks remind us/ Of when we shone so bright/ Before the silence got too heavy to bear alone/




ROGUE BOAT

When the rope broke/ I stood all alone on a rogue boat/ Looking for hope or an old float/ Or maybe some break in the clouds/ But the stars hid like kids in an attic/ Like a mother, I'm frantic/ But swallowed my panic and cursed what you did/ What am I supposed to do now?/ So I guess I'm lost at sea/ On a boat made of things that I always did hate about me/ So even if you called me home/ I wouldn't know which way to go./ I wouldn't know which way to go./ Hallelujah, lost and found/ Hallelujah, homeward bound/ Hallelujah, siren's sound/ Hallelujah, shoot me down./




TALK ME DOWN

Let's trade these broken hearts for something meaningful/ Let's keep trading skins 'til the ones we're in are beautiful/ 'Cause for awhile, I could not separate mirrors from demons (no)/ I was holding candles to my lies/ You were setting fire to my eyes/ I was writing letters to myself/ You were putting cross words into elegant tunes/ You talked me down/ I've battled with the truth for nearly all my life/ I love an underdog; I love to prove them wrong/ But what can I do when truth's the bullying kind?/ When it hurts you all the way down/ Now I'm holding candles to my lies/ Now you're setting fire to my eyes/ Now I'm writing letters to myself/ Now you're putting cross words into elegant tunes/ Talk me down: I'm a ship inside a storm/ Save me now: I'm a room without a floor/ Talk me down: my confidence is worn/ Now I'm holding candles to my lies/ Now you're setting fire to my eyes/ Now I'm writing letters to myself/ Now you're putting cross words into elegant tunes/ I was holding candles to my lies/ But you were setting fire to my eyes/ I was writing letters to myself/ You were putting cross words into elegant tunes/ You talked me down/




DARK CLAY

I want to be a shining diamond/ I want to sparkle in the light/ I want to shine so you can see the sun reflecting and remember all the warmth that it provides/ I want to sing to you in major chords/ I want to be your lullaby/ I want to be the last thing that you hear when you slip into the kind of sleep with dreams where you can fly/ But I am dark dark clay/ I'm all made up of earth and ugly rain/ But even when I twist myself to sad and awful shapes/ You find a way to love me anyway/ You keep finding ways to love me anyway/ So maybe this will be my story/ Maybe this will be my song/ That even if I'm made from only cold and lonely clay/ Your love can make it so I'm willing to keep fighting, fighting on./ If you're with me, I'll keep fighting, fighting on./ So even if I never sparkle/ Even if the winter's never gone/ Maybe I can still provide a little bit of hope to those who need to know that /everything's not wrong/ Even in the winter, everything's not wrong. / And I am dark dark clay/ I'm all made up of earth and ugly rain/ I'm the kind of scene no one should ever want to paint/ But you find a way to love me anyway/ You keep finding ways to love me anyway/




String Theory

Sometimes at night / Alone on a highway what's been and what's nigh collapse to the middle from left and from right queezing like bookends for blood, (it's a vice: a habit to harvest my pain) septic and sweet, the tragedy i just can't sweep off my feet: what would i be if i weren't incomplete? logic has left us for dead in the street it's watching me break my own heart what if the past were not past? and the future was here all along? every picture and song was not holding your place in a line but reminding you it was al - ways here time is a one-way street and we're all strapped in to the rear-facing seat the street still existed with all of its secrets before we could see it and the places we pass we just see through the glass but we can't go back someone's foots on the gas but we're screaming directions and hoping for best and we'll measure success by results that we get but we're all strapped in. what if the past were not past? and the future was here all along? every picture and song was not holding your place in a line but reminding you it was always here




(THE BUTTERFLY)

Net aloft, I sang my stealthy song The Butterfly and I would soon belong Colors like some cosmic spectral pool This conquest will be my crowning jewel




GOODBYE, VIVIAN

And even if you called me right this minute, said "come back! all is forgiven!", I know my response would be "we burned those bridges" It took me twenty-seven months of swinging and hard living to convince myself everything's working out the way it's meant to be I finally figured out just what my parents meant With all that talk about not settling for less I think I'm gonna buy a ring, and finally let myself be happy My downward spiral finally found a ring of fire twenty years and almost twice as many broken hearts to find her but every second's worth it; every scar, and every hurt, and every time I tasted dirt (and told myself that i deserved it) I finally figured out just what my parents meant they always said I shouldn't settle for less I think I'm gonna buy a ring, and finally let myself be happy




WE'RE TORNADOES WHEN WE DANCE

And so... The chemicals collide in some location just outside the place where things like love and fear and rage are formed. Coursing through each vein and artery to nerves in every part of me that struggle to interpret all the combinations formed. And reactions come off mixed: my jaw is slack, my muscles tense and my heart begins its struggle to break free from the cage of my own chest in an attempt to come to rest somewhere it's certain that your heart will also be We're tornadoes when we dance high winds concealed in slow romance uproot the world beneath our paths uncover Heaven with our hands The magicians in your eyes make the world disappear from mine they make the weight of life vacation for awhile. And while the music in your kiss begins to sing the minor 5th our fingertips conduct a symphony in style. And by the second movement in, houses are whistling in our wind branches are snapping in our spin and skin is twisting against skin and I am flying, so it seems, foundations bursting at the seams the sky is manic with our song, I am frantic, we are strong. We're tornadoes when we dance - high winds concealed in slow romance uproot the world beneath our paths uncover heaven with our hands




DRINK (DRINK, DRINK)

Drink, drink, drink (whether it proves or solves a thing is not the point). I'm just trying to forget that I've got things to forget so if I just avoid the gin I'll be the heartbeat of the party Gone, gone, gone: not just some girl, but more my pride it's proof no matter how I try, most things are out of my control. so let's make it uniform: I can't play, but i'll perform for anybody who doesn't ask for one thing more One more // One more // One more and I'll be through. And you'll go home, and I'll go home And I'll have one more ...or two. Drink, Drink, Drink! I know my Dad would not approve, but he don't hurt the way I do. Drink! Drink! Drink until tomorrow tucks me in and as the room begins to spin I hang on and I pretend...




(THE BEAST)

My net has drained the color from your wings Purpose must be in some other thing So I jumped atop the wildest beast on earth to break its will before it breaks mine first.




THE BEST DEFENSE (IS TO BE OFFENSIVE)

Oh, they're gonna love me when I look them in the eye and say "I'm damaged, but I'm hopeful!" "I'm gonna keep on trying because love is really all we need! Love's the snake oil tonic that will cure our every evil!" (and I'll sell it like I mean it from the stage). I'm vulnerable, approachable, your folks would probably love me and your imaginary conversations probably sound like this: They've got some very valid questions about my songs and my intentions and the fact I've never settled down; "isn't anybody wondering where you are?" This is home: the stage, the States all I own in one suitcase all the people that i've loved left back in places I've called home Let's play truth and consequences? First the truth: I'm not that interested I've been burned a couple times, so now I'm the one who starts the fires And I probably still believe in love; the problem is, I just can't trust So where does that leave us? (well) How about those consequences? I've got this moat around my heart chock full of mud and monsters and my archers never sleep, so use your powers of observation this stage is more than just the lights and all the adulation: it's the only place where I can be alone... without --- being alone. This is home: the stage, the States all I own in one suitcase all the people that i've loved left back in places I've called home! Someday, I'll stop this war Someday I'll fall in love, and know what love is for but for tonight, I'll sell the box and keep the contents under lock and key and by the time you realize you've lost the game, I'll be another several homes away, up on some solitary stage alone again.




I AM CERTAIN I AM A TRAIN

I am a cup of rotten coffee, my thoughts are floating on my head and if you drink them in and chew them up, they're only gonna make you sick I've lived my life like blackout bingo; trying on each home I thought might fit. Now there's a bean on every square, but someone's telling me I still can't win. I've left // When I thought leaving made things right. I've quit // When quitting meant I didn't start a fight. I've spent // Half my wrist erasing what I write half my days ashamed of half my nights half my life escaping from my life. I've paid admission to the places I have loved by pawning off pieces of my heart til I'm smeared across a globe with little hope of recovering half my parts. I've spent entire years behind a wheel wondering why it is I drive so hard. til I'm no closer to an answer, ten years later, than the day I tried to start. I've left // When I thought leaving made things right. I've quit // When quitting meant I didn't start a fight. I've spent // Half my wrist erasing what I write half my days ashamed of half my nights half my life escaping from my life Sometimes I'm certain I'm a train filled with strangers And we're all searching for a home we've never seen So I'll keep whistling my so-ong low and pretty And we'll keep stumbling through the night like tunnels searching for the light. I've left // When I thought leaving made things right. I've quit // When quitting meant I didn't start a fight. I've spent // Half my wrist erasing what I write half my days ashamed of half my nights half my life escaping from my life




SPIRIT FIRST (SINCERELY, K.)

I built this house but it fell down before I got one night of sleep So how does that beat all the fools who never tried They missed the moon in rented rooms, traded stories over food I worked alone, broke my bones with all my pride (hang on G) I desired royal attire, so I acquired the emperor's skin held a parade & begged the world to look inside I wanted fame, 'cause I thought fame could prove to me that I was great it never came; I was a failure to myself It's the way of the world to swallow you alive The way of the world to swallow you alive // spirit first. It's been so long singing songs I couldn't possibly still mean i guess they're lies if they've lost the truth they had and it's so hard to get well, writing postcards home from Hell I'd rather pack; I'd rather leave this all/ It's the way of the world to swallow you alive the way of the world to swallow you alive // spirit first Whoa, Whoa, I give up Whoa, Whoa, I give up Ooo - ooooh // I give up. You get one life, and I spend mine chasing highways made of ghosts now I don't know the way home from where I stand And I believed I was free, til I forgot what I believed now I don't even need chains to hold me down.




(THE BIRD)

I held on til I lost the count of days And when I lost my grasp, I narrowly escaped on wings of a bird who promised me the sky I cursed my conquests as we took to flight




A BAD EXAMPLE, A HELPING HAND

I can self-destruct just fine all by myself I don't need your help to destroy my mental health I drank enough tonight to kill me let's take one more shot and we'll see if this hurt i've got will stop there at the grave Well hey, if you can toss your better sense aside and you can turn the world into a ride So can I -- I // I -- I I've worn regrets like they were patches for broken hearts i've worn like badges I've got medals, self-accusing from wars I've lost and those I'm losing but there's no valor to my candor don't pretend it's something grander I'm just done with fighting demons behind the curtains of the saints But if you can bring yourself to say you tried and you can pass your shame for some kind of pride So can I -- I // I -- I And it seems hope is right around the corner but i've got some disorder that pushes straight instead the worse the sin is, the more the consequences the more i'm on a mission to tally-ho ahead! I've been drunk while I was preaching I've backslid while still believing i'm still fighting off those demons and i've tried fighting off the saints and i've been told i've got a purpose but i think everyone on earth does but that don't keep us all from hurting so i'm no more or less deserving of this But if you can see the truth behind the lies and you can come out on the other side So can I -- I // I -- I (OOoooh)




APOSTATE

Disappointment is a bitter pill to swallow paying back the hope I borrowed from someone I never knew and it's a poor fit: humans in the suits of heroes undressed by whispered conspiracies and inquests for the truth but if the truth is what you're looking for you don't get to choose the answers anymore so tell me do you really still believe that the truth will set you free? I do. I do. Paranoia: i related with his struggle. Does that mean that I'm in trouble if he finally lost the faith? Are my questions hopeless if I'm angry at the answers? Are my doubts all so disastrous that they'll ruin me someday? Well if the truth is what I'm looking for I don't get to choose the answers anymore So tell me do I really still believe that the truth will set me free? I do // I do. Am I honestly aiming for answers if I walk in, conclusions drawn If I stumble, If I falter, If I wander... then I wonder: will truth hold on? No, I believe that the truth will set me free Yeah the truth will set me free. So if the truth is what we're looking for We don't get to choose the answers anymore (but I do... I do.)




GOOD FROM EVIL

I often think that the worst of the curse Is nothing to do with these clothes or childbirth the bruising of heels or the tilling of earth but the fact that the fruit didn't keep to its word 'cause sometimes I can't choose good / sometimes I can't choose good from evil Well there's logic and faith, and there's trouble with both I feel like the child of a rotten divorce where custody's settled in some awful court and one gets my mind, and the other my heart still, sometimes I can't choose good, sometimes I can't choose good from evil So I doubt what i know, and I doubt what I can't I doubt what I do, and I don't understand still, I doubt the earth's salted from shaking these hands and I doubt I can ever be happy with that sometimes I can't choose good / sometimes I can't choose good from evil.




(THE END)

When the butterfly is faded / and the beast shows you the dirt when the bird has died somewhere mid-flight, and you crash down to the earth when you're incomplete / will you try your feet? or will you find your knees / and admit defeat?




AN INCOMPLETENESS THEOREM

Every hour at the chalkboard taught me more about the things I knew But couldn't prove to anyone demanding proof until I had a few things all worked through And so I labored through the night until my fingers turned to white I tried to package you and you eluded me each time as if to say I'd never find a box you fit into I abandoned social norms, I became a man absorbed with needing evidence I even tried a couple times to pretend i could deny an answer could exist I plugged in faith and hope and love (at least the closest I could come) and each one wrecked the ship and with each night and each skipped meal Mr. Hyde would take the wheel a little bit The answer looks / an awful lot like another question A grim reminder that our design is limited Every answer looks a lot like another question But I can't stop asking / I can't stop asking I started swearing at the walls and as my chest would rise and fall it seemed to taunt my brain till in a fit of rage, I clawed to put a silence to the hollow hope that screamed my name But with each piece I could extract, each finger-full continued asking me to show my work Til I collapsed upon the floor, naked and sore and sure I could not even prove it hurt. Then lying face-up on the floor, once more I looked up at the board and i began to cry there amidst the chalk and slate, some wayward blood had found its way and now it caught my eye and the spatter spelled out clearly "everything you know is theory (even your own name)" you don't need proof to have some answers to the questions you've been asking all along the way. The answer looks / an awful lot like another question A grim reminder that our design is limited Every answer looks a lot like another question But I can't stop asking / I can't stop asking You'll always be // a little incomplete // but don't throw away the things you do know.




Dear Friend

if you'll just call we'll talk it over i know you still have my number 'cause when i'm calling, you don't answer go on, use your constitution bear your arms of elocution but speech has never been as free as advertised but if the truth's unkind it's unkinder from behind if this is honesty, then why all of the secrecy and if it's true i failed then why would you go and tell the whole world before you spoke even a word to me? what's the use in throwing boulders? turn around, we're one year older pride can be the coldest shoulder why throw it all away? if love is what we say?




Of Bridges Burned

i lit those bridges with that fire we couldn't put out then i stood outside and watched it as it burned from house to house and with a feigned sense of accomplishment i pretended not to cry i turned and muttered "now the worst has finally come" i kept your memory in a room inside the only house i couldn't bring myself to let the fire have its way with so while everyone expects the fire has cleansed the place i left what they don't know is i crossed that bridge before i burned it don't say her name where i can hear you and don't talk of the future in your hopeful tones don't try to say she wasn't worth it 'cause this fire's cost me everything i've owned. i made my way back through the city between the houses used for fuel sat down in your little room, took out the box marked "NEVER OPEN" now i'm sweating through my clothes and i am breathing in your smoke and i am keeping my eyes closed and i will die inside this home 'cause i tried living in the valley of the shadow of moving on but i couldn't breathe without your music in my lungs




Family Feud

broken, broken like a spoke on some old wagon wheel gone by i'm wishing that fire that took my wife had taken me, ashen, to the sky to become the rain and fall upon this dust-ridden city where she died but no amount of whiskey spilt will grant to me this wish i wish tonight ten years before, i was eleven and a paragon of bitterness a victim of the system thrown like a parcel to a train and i watched my sisters shrink as my orphan eyes joined the horizon and i quickly became the splinter of my own universe until the day she broke my thorns and i became an honest man i loved my wife, i earned an honest living working with my hands and then last friday, she met heaven in a fire i couldn't quench if life's a highway i'm that body bagged and laying in the ditch Oh Warden! Bring the pardon! Or let this hanging (the swinging) soon commence! Oh Prison! this is ending! Innocence or Recompense! "let those doors have swung with purpose", i plead to my audience of none i need a scapegoat for my guilt; i need a target for my gun and then as if on cue, she eases through and takes a seat not seven feet from mine... and the night has just begun. i lost my inhibitions in a bottle, but it's not romance i crave and if the devil can't bring a man to chide, well, then a woman must be brave, it's not your gender, it's my history that's fueling this tirade it's not your figure, it's your timing, you will draw my ire in spades so i unleashed an army firing blazing arrows from my tongue and twenty minutes she endures it, but her patience now is done and now she's standing, her eyes filling, they meet mine, now they run i can't believe what i am seeing - she's reaching for her gun! and oh i beat her to the draw, and you can bet my aim was certain or maybe fatefully unlucky but shots one through through seven mostly hit their mark. the first three from me to her and then from just inside the door one sheriff's warning shot caught me off-guard and my last three found his heart and in a panic with no bullets left to clear my path to freedom i dove next to her to commandeer her weapon that still hadn't fired a round but to my horror underneath the dying fingers of that woman hidden in the place no gun existed i drew back at what i found it was a locket... with a picture... of my own dear dad and mother i collapsed upon my sister as my sentence fired down.




You Are Home

i need an alibi for where i've been i knew better than to call you, but i did now i'm contemplating each dividing line between "mistake" and "i knew better, but i did" it isn't like i don't know how this ends i'll write another song, you'll write me off again and somewhere down the line i'll try to fall in love only to find that i can't do it, without you, it never seems to fit 'cause oh,you are home and no matter where i go, you're in my bones. and no matter where i sleep i never rest outside the place i keep my soul i'd ask you not to ever call again i'd do my best to focus on your worst offense i'd show you every ugly thing i hide behind my criminal's defense i'd fall asleep in houses i don't know i'd sit in silence when your song comes on the radio but doing everything that i've already done ...just doesn't make much sense.




Sick or Determined

there's nowhere to balance between sick and determined the verdict will be determined by if you keep returning even if you're saying "no" well at least I'm still learning and someday i will figure you out if it takes all of my years, i will figure you out someday. you're a password on a rubix's cube encrypted in braille and all it takes is common sense to see that i'm gonna fail and i'll fail, and i'll fail, you're a complicated woman but someday i will figure you out if it takes all of my years i will figure you out someday and part of what it means to be a man is to believe in something grander than his hands can hold and faith and love are evidence of something more than circumstance at work beneath the skin and bone the logical, the monotone i can't explain, but still i know someday i will figure you out.




Which Drink

so which drink did my memory drown in? and which thought was your first one to consider him? and which night... ...was the night when the kingdom i thought i was king of fell at the walls of the waves of a broken dam? (make me a broken man.) so if we're all guilty, then what's the point in pointing fingers, anyway? i'm no better, i'm just bitter, and i never got to say how it hit me when you told me: like a towtruck hauling a train... in a rainstorm... doing eighty... with the brakes out. and oh! the things i've tried to cover up and compromise put it up on a shelf, hide it in sheetrock, wrap it in cellophane but this is not a phase, you can't "ignore til it goes away" i've got to face this now; i've got to take these walls down. so this is the last song in a series titled "How You Broke My Heart" and i think it's the best one, now here comes my favorite part i forgive you. and i'm sorry. and i'm sorry it took so long and i wish you the best in everything (this is it! this is it! it's the song i could never sing when we were in love and it's dead. let it rest. let's not let us go on about a future that's passed away)




Would We Liars Be

oh what a plan this is! oh, what a marv'lous sight unseen oh, future promises! (oh, for the love of broken things.) what will you do? will you come crashing back to bone and dust again? oh, ideal imaginations! oh, ignore the second-guess but no one ever said the future settles for the second-best. what will you do? will you come crawling back to truth with hat in hand? what will the truth demand of us? sing for love like a songbird sings for freedom, like a promise you can read between the lies. sing for hope, like a lost garden of eden; keep a post as if you'd ever recognize what choice for you and me? are we to suffer for our sins? or would we liars be? (order one more round of consequence.) your choice is obvious, but mine i cannot seem to keep in place. what, then of promises? what, then, of silence left unleft? what, then, of inner conflict? "intellect defying intellect"? what good's a word if it weighs nothing more than just the breath it wastes? the breath i waste...




Kansas, I Decline

lawrence kansas, i decline i am sitting on a floor beside her i don't know why she's so sure that my intentions are impure i am almost certain they are not cause all this hurting has to stop i never asked for one more round but i guess i never turned it down now she's spinning while she's standing as she says: look at the stars, look at the stars she says look at the stars (she's a wreck)(she's a mess) look at the stars how pretty they are, she says look at the stars instead of my dress. i will be your sandpaper and you just be my name and i will push until the letters fade to dust and if i can't forget myself then i will push until you help i'm not the man i thought i was now she's saying when the cops show up we came here, we just came here to look! and now she's drinking while she drives and it's scaring me to death and i'm just hoping we arrive and i cannot catch my breath lawrence kansas, i decline i'm watching my decline watching my decline




Last Camden Stand

admitted my defeat like any self-respecting man with no word to be heard, just a wave of the hand out the window out to no one who would ever ever see i guess it was more for me and you? you said goodbye without a word as well or a wave to any window, far as i could tell we used to talk for hours, now it's awkward and stale and i'm left to wonder how so if you find yourself alone and old the best that i can hope is that you never ever know if you had only let your heart unfold i could have loved you (but you never let me in.) i guess a promise of atlantis and a holy grail and seven hundred dollars worth of continental air weren't enough to bridge the ocean of a moat that you've been growing since before the day we met. and if i never tell you, then you'll never ever know so i'm waxing catastrophic on the telephone it's a wonder how i wonder how you only answer "no" and once again i'm left standing in the shadows of a castle that'll never be home brick upon a brick upon a mortar-covered stone you won't say what you're scared of, but i think i know if you never let 'em in, you'll never have to let 'em go. but is it really worth it if you finish up alone? i could have love you. (but you'll never ever know.)




An Epistle for Sal

one of these days expect a letter in my old familiar style and i hope, if you should read it, you'll remember back when you believed what you would read and i believed in me that my love was big enough to make it better and i could write the words "i'm sorry" but instead it's "say goodbye" let's not waste another "wonder" on these "why?"s take the past off of your shoulders wear your future like a princess wears her gown (crown) and if you should see me, if you can try to forget the things i can't, so you can smile before you go... ...and bring down chapter 2 just because i got some closure doesn't mean that it's okay, there's a thousand shades of gray there in between them and somewhere there on the spectrum there's a technicolor heart wishing memories were different than he'd seen them and i could write the words "i love you" but instead it's "walk away" let's not let regret have one more yesterday...




Good Medicine

I struggle to reconcile these words of hope and freedom and these minister's convictions with these verbal mausoleums battle-scarred emancipations and holy carpe-diems the battles and bombshells i have levied on myself in the form of you in the form of you now, how can these all co-exist the heartbreak for the dying? when my tries turned to failure my sighs gave way to crying now just look at this destruction good and evil still are fighting leaving mangled half-hearts in their wake they take their toll on you in the form of me in the form of me well, i've been an agent of the death of love i've been an angel from above don't mind the way i feel, please save yourself and i've derailed your stability you've given that ability to me and i can say i've done it well but we've failed the final challenge love we're both so out of balance love let's commit this suicide and save us all. well my heart will not forgive me for this unwilling extraction of your love from its controlling grips this unpardonable action will wage civil war between my heart and mind, the dueling factions never really got along too well i'll sell a heart that still belongs to you in the form of a tune But even my own heart's eternal unforgiveness does not measure in capacity for hurt and in it's volume of displeasure to the guilt that i would feel; having killed you to have kept you. if you ever had an ounce of trust believe me when i say you must be free from this infernal me well, i've been an agent of the death of love i've been an angel from above don't mind the way i feel, please save yourself and i've derailed your stability you've given that ability to me and i can say i've done it well but we've failed the final challenge love we're both so in and out of love let's commit this suicide and save us all. And oh, I love you still And I believe that you love me And oh, I love you still And I believe that you love me i believe that you love me... it's a paradox of such epic proportions i may never understand why anyone would ever bother to endeavor to make justified the columns of the right now and what's left forever underneath the layers of a heart that's partly me and partly you i am partly you. and for that precise equation i must separate my feelings and our futures for the sake of you the sake of your own healing if i let you be a part of me my self-destruction peeling back the layers of your love will take you down and i will not be that to you i will not be that to you well, i've been an agent of the death of love i've been an angel from above don't mind the way i feel, please save yourself and i've derailed your priorities you've given that ability to me and i can say i've done it well but we've failed the final challenge love we're both so out of balance love let's commit this suicide and save us all. yeah, we've failed the final challenge love, we've been so in and out of love let's commit this suicide and save us all let's commit this suicide and save us all let's commit this suicide and save us all...




Dead Best Friends

You're not her / I'm not him There's no reason to pretend That time would leave unchanged those kids We fell in love, and then grew up I still see her once in awhile She comes back from the dead when you smile, but He's been gone since last July He finally died I'm sorry / It's over We won't hurt each other any more And i think that's what the people who fell in love would want I'm sorry / It's over We won't hurt each other any more And it's for the best. His dying words, his last request Always do what's for her best Keeping you would just have meant Playing God with what was left I'm sorry / It's over We won't hurt each other anymore And i think that's what the people who fell in love would want I'm sorry / It's over We won't hurt each other anymore...




Kid, Way To Go

November fell like a man down a stairwell A Broken-up mess of a man who appeared, well A little old, a little cold, I asked how the air felt He told me "There's no air in Birmingham tonight Cause it's all tonic and no-doz Faceprints on windows" I ask but I don't know / I can't fit in my own clothes I'm still lost in those throes This love I can't get closed The one that makes me fear I'll never get it right I've never thought of it that way before Maybe i'm right, maybe i'm finally wrong You've really done it now, kid, way to go I hope you're proud of what you've done Well broken hearts beat broken men on any day, but then again A broken heart might do the trick to jump-kick-start this broken pen The broken thoughts, the broken limbs, this broken state I'm living in (What am I saying? that's what put me in this place!) I've never thought of it that way before Maybe I'm right, but I'll bet I'm finally wrong You've really done it now, kid - way to go I hope you're proud of what you've done (in background) well the castle is faded, the walls are obscene! the windows are looking out, oh, for the queen; she abandoned the castle, the moat's filled with acid, this moment is passing, thank God!" I've never thought of it that way before! I hope i'm right, I hope I'm finally wrong! You've really done it now, kid, way to go! I hope you're proud of what you've done!




Road Map Eyes

You look a little crazy talking to yourself Boxes in the kitchen cover up the shelves I used to be the one that you would ask for help Now you only ask if I can go to hell. Listening to TV On The Radio So loudly that you're drowning out a whispered "no" Wondering exactly why you have to go As if somehow I did not know... Diana, where you sleep when I don't sleep Your road map eyes give you away So go, Diana, with your promise you can't keep: "I do, 'til death should separate" Another heart in pieces for a secret kept A reasonable offer for the price it is You're making it a nightmare 'cause I guess you guess When you finally walk away it's gonna hurt me less Boxes on the table with the labels on The sentimental value of a decade gone A fire full of memories on a yellow lawn The sentimental value of a heart done wrong... Diana, when you sleep where i don't sleep Your road map eyes give you away So go, Diana, with your promise you can't keep: "I do, 'til death should separate" Tell our friends That we've split Leave the blame Unexplained Anyway They all know Everyone Has to know... Diana, where you sleep when I don't sleep Your road map eyes give you away So go, Diana, with your promise you can't keep: "I do, 'til death should separate"




Am I Trying?

disappointment is the only word that seems to come to mind so i try hard not to think about it when i say "i'm doing fine" is that lying or is it faith? 'cause despite mistakes i've made, i think i'm trying (what am i trying?) where are the words of truth i once knew how to speak? now excuses always seem to take their place am i the only one who recognizes this? or is my shame exposed to all the human race? i was aiming with my footsteps towards the finish of the race but it seems instead i'm only inching closer to the edge of grace so are they lessons or just bad habits that i'm learning with my time? 'cause i'm so tired of dragging mercy through these places where are the words of truth i once knew how to speak? now excuses always seem to take their place am i the only one who recognizes this? or is my shame exposed to all the human race? and it rains... and i can hear your words about me but i'm fake! how could you want to be around me? am i made just to whisper pleasant-sounding things i'll never really do? why do you continue to let me hurt you? ...so is it lying or is it faith? 'cause despite mistakes i've made i think i'm trying (what am i trying?)




Del Cielo

i'll be waiting to meet you i'll be the first one to greet you and i'll sing a jubilant song 'cause you're home i've been waiting so long right now it seems like forever but try now, try to remember the times, now, that we had together ...for me 'cause i can't bear to see you cry and i'm sorry that i can't be there to see you through but i hope you hear me say 'i love you' and i'll see you again ...someday love is so much more than emotion my love lives with undying devotion so don't give into the notion i'm gone i've only gone home i miss you when we're apart but i'm with you - you're not forgotten i've been here watching you all along cheering you on til that final day and i'm sorry that you can't see me like i see you but i hope you hear me say 'i love you' and i'll see you again... i'm home - home where i've always wanted to be i hope you're happy for me i'm free - free from the burdens that troubled me there it's so wonderful here and i've seen so many things i could never describe in a day and oh by the way... ...i eagerly wait til i see you again... ...someday.