Well, I have to figure out a way to pay for my gas money to/from Austin, so I have devised a plan. I’m selling these schedules for $10 apiece. Here’s the low-fi (also not necessarily comprehensive yet) version of Wednesday AFTERNOON’s for free. (Day/Night will be separate, for spacing’s sake.)

If you want Wednesday Night-through-Sunday’s, you can start ordering now (they’re $10 total for all 5 days/nights, and for all the money I’m saving you on free Food/Drinks, that seems fair… right?)

I’ll be e-mailing them all out on Monday, March 15th (by then, I presume I’ll have ALL the parties accounted for.)

If you want to order one now, you can! here’s the click-thingy to make that happen:

(Oh, and I’m also playing a SXSW showcase. I’m playing the Spin it Indie Lounge on Thursday, 3.18 at around 5pm.)

To be honest, with no tours planned for 2010 (yet) I can see their point.

That said, I’m going anyway. 2008’s strategy worked pretty well (I didn’t go last year, due to the birth of my first kid) and I’m going to improve on it this year. Here’s how.

(and if you’re coming this year, please e-mail me and let’s hang out.)

Rule #1 – No Wristband? No Problem
There is a TON of free stuff happening at SXSW. I don’t know if “the economy” is going to mess that up this year, but I didn’t have a wristband or an artist pass in 2008, either and I was fine. I went with no expectations and stumbled upon a brilliant plan….

Rule #2 – Flip Your Inner Clock
The trick is totally flipping your schedule where the day starts about 9pm.
Here’s a brief narrative:

9:00am – wake up from “nap” and greet the “evening”. See, most of the stuff happening from 10am-2pm is free, and also open to the public. (I saw the Weakerthans for free with about 100 people last time.) Free music, Free food & drinks. (this is “dinner”)
2:00pm – all the free stuff is done, but the evening stuff hasn’t started yet. This is prime “meeting”/networking time.
4:00pm – Time for bed. This is when I get my best sleep of the day. (Without a wristband, I can’t even get into the evening concerts anyway.)
10:00pm – Wake up refreshed. Venture out for food. (this is “breakfast”)
11:00pm – All the afterparties are starting. More free music, more free food & drinks (and networking)
4:00am – Everything shuts down again. Find a 24-hour food place. Eat “Lunch”.
5:00am – Sun’s coming up, I’m taking a quick nap from about 5-9

Rule #3 – RSVP for Everything
This is where I have dropped the ball in the past. I’m a terrible plan-ahead-er. Plus, it’s not always easy to find out about these parties. This year, I’m playing detective and finding out about (and RSVP’ing to) as many of these free parties as I possibly can. This, I do believe, will greatly enhance the experience. I’ve started the twitter account “@sxswRSVP” so if *you* hear of any good ones, do let me know, and I’ll share what I find.

Rule #4 – Pack a ‘pack
That food isn’t free all the time. Usually it’s only from 10am-2pm. So bring something to pack extra food & drinks into. When your friends are paying $6/slice of pizza, you can be all smug: “hmm… no, I’m good, guys. I think I’ll have some more free chipotle burritos. I took like nine of them.”

I think that’s all.

If you guys know of any of those “RSVP-required” free parties, let me know. I’ll see you there!

-Levi

Questions – honest, sincere questions – have a danger that we idealists like to pretend does not exist. It does not mean that they are to be avoided, but when you begin to honestly pursue answers, it means that you do so without an agenda. The point of yesterday’s post was not to just start spraying danger around in a cavalier fashion, letting it fall where it may. It was more along the lines of what an alcoholic might do: admitting that I have a problem and it needs to be fixed because whatever means I am currently employing are failing miserably. Until yesterday, those means were to internalize my doubts (mostly), sit silently in bed and ponder a question, then question the question, then question THAT question until I was six layers deep in a rabbit hole, and wondering how my mind could possibly have started out debating about getting up to go to the bathroom, and ended up at the conclusion that the very fact we have emotions means that it is both highly improbable and highly probable that there is a God, and then feeling both guilty and nihilistic as a result.

That’s what I mean by going insane.

Now that I have “outed” myself, so to speak, I feel that I have permission to speak freely. More importantly, I feel that I have permission to search freely. With no agenda. ASKING the questions instead of just thinking about them. So here’s where I stand as of January 26th.

I resolve not to feel guilty about honestly asking a question.
Alternately, I resolve to only ask questions out of a desire for the answer, not out of sarcasm or cynicism.
I resolve not to take the easy answer just because I want it to be right.
I resolve to base my decisions on truth, not on the people who I feel a kinship to (note: I feel a sense of kinship to both sides, depending on the subject)

I also resolve to keep you posted. I know some of you could not care less about this, so I’ll not do it here on the leviweaver.com blog.
I invite you to click this link here if you’re interested in progress.

(also, thank you all for the supportive comments on my last post. it really does mean a lot.)

I went through a few boxes of keepsakes this week that I had saved from the ages of 0-24. Among the knick knacks: my first toy (a stuffed green bear named… Green Bear), Moccasins I made when I was 7, and a hundred love notes. Also among them, a bunch of my old writings and school assignments, a majority of which were about my faith.

See, I was raised in the Assemblies of God, which is one of the more fundamental of denominations. The Bible is inerrant, speaking in tongues is real, drinking (even a little) is a sin, healing and the casting out of demons still happens, et al. The concept of the “slippery slope” was alive and real in my upbringing.

I must take an aside to say that I appreciate my parents more the longer I live. While my dad was an ordained missionary with the A/G (and a rodeo cowboy!), he never seemed to me to be unreasonable, stodgy, or out of touch with reality. I’ve never heard him swear, but he is reluctant to tell people on airplanes that he is in the ministry because he doesn’t like how they treat him when he does. He believes what he believes, but he’s not going to scream at you if you have some theological differences of opinion. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever heard him “scream”, in or out of the pulpit. He has an uncanny ability to state deeply profound truth in really simple ways. (Not all A/G preachers had this ability. I remember asking as a child of 4 or 5 why a lot of pastors would end all of their sentences with “-ah”. Ex: “And I belieeeev-ah! That the Spirit of Gawwwd-ah! Is in this place-ah! glorytoGod-ah.” It seemed insincere, even then.)

I say all that to give a little background on not just my upbringing of faith, but the *kind* of faith. It was not a nod-of-the-head-to-morality, or a check-box on a census form, or a Sundays-only thing. It was a kind of faith that made it not-weird to pray about what I was going to wear to school that day. It was not a coat of paint, it was the foundation and framing of the house.

Every decision that I made was rooted in that foundation. I could reconsider the drapes or arrange the furniture better with each sermon I heard, but it was all based on the pre-existing foundation that the house existed.

–

Why am I telling you this?

Because I am thirty now, and cannot shake the fact that I have questioning my faith every day for months. It’s driving me insane (am I being literal or figurative? take your pick.)

i can’t pinpoint where it started. I could give a list of questions I have, but I’m sure you have your own and if my own experience is anything to judge by, I don’t want to contribute to you mumbling to yourself and sitting silently where once you used to engage the whole room.

But somewhere along the way, some really big questions crept in, and now it seems that *everything* is pointing me back to them. (”Yeah, you’re right; that couch does belong against that other wall IF WE’RE NOT ALL STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIELD SOMEWHERE!“) you can’t re-arrange any furniture or rip out any carpet until you answer that question.

Is the house make believe?
Does the house exist, but all the Palin-ites are standing with Pat Robertson in an adjacent field, selling real estate to the “room of the house with really fresh air”?
Are they actually in the house, and the rest of us are indignant that the house is so “exclusive and judgemental”?
Is it all one big house, different rooms?
Is furniture theology still true, irrespective of house/no house?

Here lies the paragraph I wish I could start with “no. here is the answer…” and proceed to impart to you all of the answers that my seeking has unearthed. But instead I have to say that my questions are only breeding more questions. Questions that I am not listing here. Not yet. Because I know the standard answers of both sides, and the opposing rebuttals. Who wins the argument generally depends on whose side you’re on before the discussion even starts. Much like the Republican/Democrat divide, I don’t want the party line, I want the truth. If I discover the truth aligns with one or the other, then so be it, but to start the class at someone else’s graduation feels like a rip-off.

Maybe that’s the point of faith. If it were certainty, it would be something else altogether.
But I can’t stay in limbo forever. Not given the effect it has had on me. I really do feel crazy.

Using the texts of my youth (1 Corinthians 15), I can leave you with one thing that I have found to be true.

“If Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith… If only for

this

life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men.”

It’s not that the song has anything to do with what I’m going through. I think it’s actually about war. But one line – the repeated line – is taking leave from the other lyrics and hitting the button on my chest. “I lost the reason / I lost the reason / I lost the reason I’m here”

I went to a show on Friday night here in Nashville, the city I have called home for the last three years. It was a Trent Dabbs show – he’s the guy that headed up the Ten out of Tenn tour. He describes his music as “Heavy Mellow” (Better heard than read; it’s supposed to be a play on “Heavy Metal”.

Stylistically, this show is my “scene”. It’s what I make, it’s (part of) what I like.

I walked into a packed room (packed!) and as I looked around, I realized that I didn’t know even one person in the room. Sure, I knew who some people were. Matthew Perryman Jones, Erin McCarley, a few other notable musicians… Still, I didn’t know any of them. I haven’t been in this “hometown” of mine. I’ve been on the road.

When I’ve been home, I’ve been trying to soak up the joy of being with my wife (and more recently, my son.)

I’ve lived here for three years. Longer than I have lived anywhere since I turned 18. Yet it’s the one that feels the least like home.

I’m a stranger in my own town.

—-

I am reminded of a conversation I had with Kate Havnevik on the tour in December. She brought up that the life of a touring musician, especially an independent one that doesn’t have a big “road crew” or whatever, is drastically different from the life of the 9-to-5′ers in that we don’t have “every day friends”.

When I went to school, I made friends with people because I saw them every day. Maybe some of them were people I wouldn’t necessarily have been friends with in another setting, but I sat by them every day, or every other. You learn things you have in common. You grow as a result.

When I worked at a restaurant, or at the electric company – I saw people every day. I made friends that I am still in touch with.

I haven’t had that for about three years. I’m a stranger in this town, aside from my family and a handful of friends from places like church, and … church.

Other than that, I see my friends maybe once or twice a year. And it’s usually under the context of “come to my show”, which must get old after awhile. I don’t feel like I am a good friend to anyone right now, here or far away.

So – it’s time to be here for awhile.

——–

That’s not to say I won’t tour in 2010.
If another opportunity comes up to open for someone, I am completely up for it. I love touring – it’s my favorite part of this job, when it’s done right.

But I’m not booking my own tours and heading out on my own the way I have for the last three years. I don’t feel stable enough, emotionally… physically, …or mentally for another 2009. Or another 2008. or 2007.

Nashville, I’m here for awhile. Let’s be friends, okay?

My child is attempting to climb out of his cage pack ‘n play, my wife, for once, is sleeping while I am awake, I’m drinking coffee, and in about an hour, we’re going to church.

I’m a doubter by nature, which is exactly why I go to church. I get enough input throughout the week to fuel my doubts and questions, and I have a church that understands doubters like myself and helps us to embrace the questions because we believe that there are answers. I spent a lot of time pretending that my doubts were the devil in me, manipulating my thoughts to destroy my soul. And while I do believe there is evil (there must be evil, otherwise I cannot begin to reconcile the gut-wrenching wrongness of things like poverty, death, abuse, etc…) I now think that my doubts are all just part of the game. If we were created with no capacity for doubt, no question as to the rightness and wrongness of things, we would have no autonomy and free choice would be a useless thought.

As to why evil exists in the first place… Well, that’s one of the questions that keeps me going back to my church. If ever I feel that I get a satisfactory answer, I will most certainly pass it along.

If I am certain that evil exists, I must also be certain that there is good in this world, and this month I have been shown a lot of it. Time at home seems to first upend my ship, then right it again. My child, despite his attempts at escape, is all at once entertaining AND a fascinating study of how we humans learn. And he’s learning to give hugs, so my days are pretty rich.

My saintly wife has decided, yet again, to still be here when I return from my travels, to welcome me back with open arms. My son inherited his hugging skills from a savant-level hug-genius. I couldn’t do what she does, being at home while I am away. My absence from her (and the boy) has been a huge factor in my decision to re-think my touring strategies.

And then there’s the kindness of others. I have had generously donated to me an iMac with a complete ProTools 8 setup. Something that I could never afford to go to the store and pay money for. It’s a significant upgrade from my old Mac Mini / Protools 6 / MBox setup, on which I recorded all of “Civil War…” and all of my parts of “You Are Never…”

The tour with Kate Havnevik was amazing. I met a lot of incredible people. I promised my new friend Mike Savino that in return for letting me crash at his apartment in New York City for two nights, I would post a link to his band, Tall Tall Trees. What I didn’t tell him was that I would have posted the link anyway, because their album is brilliant, and definitely worth whatever it costs on iTunes.

We also played in Pontiac with a great little band called Local Natives that I highly suggest you see live if ever the opportunity presents itself.

Lastly, Nashville afforded me the pleasure of meeting Matthew Ryan. I’m telling you, between these three artists, you just got a Christmas present from me.

I could go on and on about the incredible people we met / stayed with, but honestly, you would get bored, and I would get really wistful. I’ll just say that the kindness that was shown to us this fall… well, it was the kind of generosity that causes me to believe that maybe good will win this battle in the end.

I feel rather proud of myself for finishing a blog for the first time in months, so I’ll just stop here. If I just hit the “publish” button right now, then all you spam-commenters can commence to trashing up my comments inbox. Have fun, robots.

BAD NEWS:
More details here, but Jenny and Tyler won’t be accompanying me on this West Coast tour. (for those of you too lazy to click – health issues).

GOOD NEWS:
Jimmy Brown has saved the day and will be filling in for them. Jimmy’s originally from Belfast, N. Ireland, and is one of my favorites, so I’m really glad he could make it. And I’m not just saying that so you will come to the show. Though it *would* be nice if you did.

Oct 15 – St. Louis, MO – House Show – near UMSL (ryan.gamel(at)gmail(dot)com for details)
Oct 16 – Lawrence, KS – Signs of Light
Oct 17 – Ft. Collins, CO – Everyday Joe’s
Oct 18 – Evergreen, CO – Evergroove Studios
Oct 19 – Salt Lake City, UT – House Show – (PontiusPython(at)Yahoo(dot)com for details)
Oct 20 – Boise, ID – Dawson Taylor Downtown
Oct 21 – Tacoma, WA – The Cave, Pacific Lutheran University
Oct 22 – SEATTLE (OR NEARBY), WASHINGTON – your house? (info(at)leviweaver(dot)com if you want to host a show)
Oct 23 – SeaTac, WA – The Corridor
Oct 24 – Portland, OR – Mississippi Pizza
Oct 25 – EUGENE/BEND, OR- your house? (info(at)leviweaver(dot)com if you want to host a show)
Oct 26 – TAHOE, CA/NV? – (info(at)leviweaver(dot)com if you want to host a show)
Oct 27 – VISALIA, CA? – (info(at)leviweaver(dot)com if you want to host a show)
Oct 28 – San Diego, CA – Kava Lounge
Oct 29 –
Oct 30 – Los Angeles (actually
Oct 31 – Red
Nov 1 – Tempe, AZ – Last Chance Bar & Grill
Nov 2 – Albuquerque – House Show – (info(at)leviweaver(dot)com for info)
Nov 3 – ABILENE / COLLEGE STATION / AMARILLO, TX? – (info(at)leviweaver(dot)com if you want to host a show)
–at this point, I trade out Jimmy for Jenny & Tyler, and continue–

Nov 4 – Fort Worth, TX – TBA
Nov 5 – Keller, TX – House Show – jt(at(jennyandtylermusic(dot)com
Nov 6 – OKLAHOMA CITY – (info(at)leviweaver(dot)com if you want to host a show)
Nov 7 – CONWAY, AR – (info(at)leviweaver(dot)com if you want to host a show)
Nov 8 – HATTIESBURG, MS – (TBA – Details Changing this week)
Nov 9 – Cleveland, MS – House Show (info(at)leviweaver(dot)com for details)

I have some new songs I’ll be playing, and I’m selling subscriptions for the new album.
I also just got some new T-Shirts in, designed by Jonathan Brandt of Grand Rapids Michigan (it also means that all the mail orders for T-Shirts are going out… probably tomorrow?)

GOODER NEWS: <- blame the spam for that.

As alluded to above, I HAVE NEW SONGS. I have finished 3 more songs for “The Letters of Dr. Kurt Gödel”, so I’m set for November, December, and January. If you haven’t subscribed yet, you can do that over at leviweaver.com/merch

-Levi

p.s. you should all check out Jason Webley. I just discovered him today, and I am awestruck. Amazing.

So, ignoring the fact that I have approximately 1,500 things to do, I accepted my parents’ offer to take the entire family to Hawaii for a week. After driving from Nashville, TN to Bend, OR to play a show with Brett Dennen, I then turned around immediately after the show and drove to Fort Worth, Texas to meet up with my family and fly to Maui, Hawaii.

I justified it by saying that I would be able to work while I was there. I would just take 2-3 hours a day and work from the hotel. WELL THERE WAS NO WI-FI. And the one time that I went down to the business center to work on their dial-up-speed computer, my dad and brother took surfing lessons without me. So I swallowed the fact that I would be working into the wee hours every night for the rest of the year and just took a vacation. I hadn’t had one in a long time.

Of course, no blog entry would be complete without the description of a completely avoidable misadventure, so here goes…

Day One:
we went to the beach, because, well. we were in hawaii. it was just as you’re probably picturing in your head right now. Sand. Water. Dudes in way-too-little clothing. We made the mistake of bringing the babies (my brother has a 10-month old to accompany Lincoln, who is 6 months old already. half a year already.) After a few minutes, Jordan (my brother) decided that we ought to walk up the beach to look at the people surfing.

“it’s just up that way – maybe a 10 minute walk.”

I hadn’t put any sunscreen on yet, but … it was 10 minutes, right?
We got to a little lava-rock impasse, but wasn’t a big deal to go over one little pass of rocks, right?
Surely the second, nay, third little mini-mountain-range of razor rocks would be the last, right?
Surely that wave won’t knock me over, right?
I’m not going to die out here, right?

finally, almost an hour later, we arrived at the surfer’s beach. By this point, my nerd-white back and feet were burned to a nerd red. I was certain my right toe was broken, and my hand was bleeding in three places. I hated surfing, surfers, and Dick Dale.

But this adventure was only half-over. We had to get back somehow, and I was not, I repeat not going to give the rocks any more of my blood.

So we did what only idiots who leave their shoes a half-mile away do: we found the sidewalk and ran. Not a steady or measured pace, but the gait of men looking for the next patch of shadow.

sprint-sprint-sprint-stop.
sprint-sprint-sprint-stop.
sprint-sprint-sprint-stop.

“it burns huh?” Jordan admitted.
“yeah, in the chest?” I huffed, nerd-out-of-shape.
“um… no. your feet.”
“right, yeah. that’s what i meant. in the feet. … it burns. in- .. on my feet.”

we eventually made it the nearly 3/4 mile (stop and think about that.) back to the original beach, only to find that our wives had not stayed. They had taken our shoes and gone back to the hotel.

Thank you, Mario and Luigi, but your princess(es) are not at this beach. They got sick of waiting on you. And by the way, they took your shoes.

We found out later that a sandstorm had whipped up, shooting beach sand into the babies’ eyes.
Also, strollers are not built for sand.
Thank God for the kindness of strangers to help out the wives of two reckless explorers.

Alright, Ladies and Gentlemen – I’m pleased to inform you that I can tell you the tour routing for the Kate Havnevik tour.

Some of the shows are already booked and confirmed!

The others? This is where we need your help.

You’ve been to shows in your city, you know what places are great, and what places to avoid. If you live in any of the cities that still have a TBA, send an e-mail to info(at)leviweaver(dot)com with your suggestions for a venue. You don’t even have to contact them, just let me know what places to hit up. We’re looking for something under 200 in capacity. (bigger than 75).

University shows are also a GREAT idea. If your school hosts concerts, or your fraternity or sorority is interested in hosting a show, please let me know.

-NOVEMBER-

15 – Dallas, TX – The Prophet Bar

16 – Baton Rouge, LA / New Orleans, LA / Birmingham, AL – TBA

17 – Atlanta, GA – (close to being confirmed)

18 – Raleigh, NC – Slim’s

20 – New York City, NY – The Living Room

21 – Boston, MA – TBA

22 – Montreal, QC / Philadelphia, PA – TBA

23 – Toronto, ON / Cleveland, OH – TBA

24 – Cleveland, OH / Toronto, ON – TBA

25 – Detroit / Ann Arbor, MI – (close to being confirmed.)

26 – THANKSGIVING

27 – Grand Rapids, MI – TBA

28 – Chicago, IL – TBA

29 – Milwaukee, WI – TBA

30 – Minneapolis, MN – TBA

-DECEMBER-

1 – Omaha, NE – TBA

2 – Lawrence, KS – TBA

3 – Oklahoma City, OK – (plenty of leads)

4 – St. Louis, MO – TBA

5 – Louisville, KY – (plenty of leads.)

6 – Nashville, TN – (getting super close to confirmed)

To all of you out West, I apologize. We only had the three weeks, and since we’re driving ourselves, it was just impossible to get out there and back. But I *AM* coming West in October/November with Jenny & Tyler. Those dates can be found on my myspace page, and any of those that do not yet have a venue listed are all very very close to confirmation.

I will see most of you before the end of the year! this is great news.

For those of you in the Southeast (i.e. Florida, South Carolina) I know this is not a lot of consolation, but I am planning on being there in early 2010. England? Same goes for you.)

-Levi

GREAT NEWS!

The best news I have gotten in awhile became official this week: I’m going to be supporting Kate Havnevik on her November/December tour dates here in the States!!

You may recognize Kate from the 2008 Hotel Cafe Tour.

OR (more likely) you may recognize her music from Grey’s Anatomy. She’s been on there like a million times (okay, 6 or 7) Do you remember way back in Season Two, that one scene when Meredith and Derek leave the prom and Izzy is going to see Denny… *ahem* anyway. That’s Kate. (at the beginning of the clip. Snow Patrol made a career off the climactic ending. you all remember this, don’t lie.) She’s been on there more recently, but that’s the one I could find a YouTube video of.

aha! a list. (halfway down)

We’ll be kicking off the tour on November 15th in Dallas at The Prophet Bar, and concluding December 6th here in Nashville. Not all the dates are completely booked yet – we’re working hard on it – but if you live east of, say… Omaha, we’ll likely be within driving distance.

SUBSCRIPTION UPDATE

The reason I’ve been so long without posting a blog is that I didn’t want to post one until I got all my finances, etc. caught up on the old excel sheet. But I just don’t have them completely up to date right now. I’ve spent every waking hour booking the tours with Crystal Thomas, Jenny & Tyler, and Kate.I should have an update on the subscription stuff soon. I just wanted to make the official announcement about the tour!! I’m excited. It’ll be nice to see so many of you this year. And don’t worry, if you live somewhere I’m not coming, I will probably see you in early 2010.

All confirmed dates are on the tour page! see you then.

-Levi