Thank you for your years of continued support.

I am going on a hiatus. There is a cause that requires my efforts, that requires me to pour my heart and soul into it because it is the right thing to do. I don't want to keep you hanging while I try to be in two places at once, so I must step away from my music career for a short time.

Rest assured, the last song of "The Letters of Dr. Kurt Gšdel" is on the way, but it may be a few weeks before I am able to finish it. I ask that in my absence, you continue to discover new music that moves you, music that matters to you. And when that music stirs you to action, I ask that you not fight that urge to chase after what you know to be right, even if it is at a great personal cost. Live a life worth remembering.

An Addendum to Yesterday’s Post

I wanted to clarify/expound on a couple of things, and then I’m going to drop it. (for now.)

Questions – honest, sincere questions – have a danger that we idealists like to pretend does not exist. It does not mean that they are to be avoided, but when you begin to honestly pursue answers, it means that you do so without an agenda. The point of yesterday’s post was not to just start spraying danger around in a cavalier fashion, letting it fall where it may. It was more along the lines of what an alcoholic might do: admitting that I have a problem and it needs to be fixed because whatever means I am currently employing are failing miserably. Until yesterday, those means were to internalize my doubts (mostly), sit silently in bed and ponder a question, then question the question, then question THAT question until I was six layers deep in a rabbit hole, and wondering how my mind could possibly have started out debating about getting up to go to the bathroom, and ended up at the conclusion that the very fact we have emotions means that it is both highly improbable and highly probable that there is a God, and then feeling both guilty and nihilistic as a result.

That’s what I mean by going insane.

Now that I have “outed” myself, so to speak, I feel that I have permission to speak freely. More importantly, I feel that I have permission to search freely. With no agenda. ASKING the questions instead of just thinking about them. So here’s where I stand as of January 26th.

I resolve not to feel guilty about honestly asking a question.
Alternately, I resolve to only ask questions out of a desire for the answer, not out of sarcasm or cynicism.
I resolve not to take the easy answer just because I want it to be right.
I resolve to base my decisions on truth, not on the people who I feel a kinship to (note: I feel a sense of kinship to both sides, depending on the subject)

I also resolve to keep you posted. I know some of you could not care less about this, so I’ll not do it here on the leviweaver.com blog.
I invite you to click this link here if you’re interested in progress.

(also, thank you all for the supportive comments on my last post. it really does mean a lot.)

Posted on January 26th, 2010 by admin 4 Comments »

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4 Responses to “An Addendum to Yesterday’s Post”

  1. Clifton Griffin Says:

    January 26th, 2010 at 7:01 pm

    Levi,
    Thanks for this post and yesterday's. There are some great comments there and I applaud your bravery in dealing with these things out in the open.

    Socrates said "The unexamined life is not worth living." It is no service to God to simply surrender all doubts and deny lurking questions for appearances. We each have the right to be a heretic…to raise the questions that seem blasphemous to think let alone vocalize.

    My personality makes me vulnerable to disillusionment. It's easy for me to see both sides of an issue and simply remove myself from the debate, detach intellectually, and embrace cynicism. So I am able to relate easily to your situation. I have been wrestling with some of these same questions recently.

    Each time I find myself here, I can usually trace the subtle decisions I've made and the temperament that leads me here. I find that each and every time most, if not all, of the following things are true.
    1. I am distracted by possessions, a relationship, money, career or some other external, secular pursuit.
    2. I am not seeking or participating in community with other believers. (Which involves more than just having Christian friends or going to church…it means seeking them for prayer and fellowship.)
    3. I am not praying regularly.
    4. I am not reading the Bible.
    5. I am thinking of my "faith" as a set of traditions or beliefs instead of a God ordained adoption into His kingdom through Jesus.

    It is when I become lazy and negligent in these things that I start to drown in questions. Satan loves to isolate me in subtle ways and get me questioning everything because it inevitably leads to one result: I stop using my gifts.

    God has gifted me as an encourager and counsellor, but I stop both. He has given me the ability to start up conversations with strangers and talk about what they value in life and be a witness for Jesus…but I stop doing it. He has given me the ability to influence people for good, but I become detached and hands off.

    I once was advised to avoid all introspective thought (no small request for me) without spending time in the scriptures and praying. I think this advice applies also to the questions you are asking.

    Lastly, and you already know this but I'll say it anyway: you'll never be 100% sure. It's human nature. You can find reasons to disbelieve anything that is true. Don't force yourself to believe something you don't, but don't have such a high standard that you can't conclude anything. These questions are so much bigger than us.

    Best of luck, my friend. I will say a prayer for you.

    Clifton

  2. darby Says:

    January 27th, 2010 at 1:41 am

    levi, sometimes the only way to wrap your brain around something is to say it out loud/put it down in writing. don't apologize for how you feel, or what you think. unless it's unkind, then, yeah maybe. your thought processes, doubts and beliefs are part of you.

    we accept.

    good luck with the quest. just find a destination you can live with. who can ask for more?

    (darby)

  3. Jules Says:

    January 27th, 2010 at 5:25 pm

    Hey Levi,

    Thanks so much for your honestly and openness – I think you are gifted with those two things (for better or worse) in all that you do — its part of what makes your music able to wiggle into peoples lives and grab on to them. We really all go through the same stuff and having artists that are willing to throw their experiences out into the world helps us all figure things out.

    I grew up in the AG church too and have had a very similar experience with the foundation and the questioning and everything – I don't think I have ever run into it head on like you are doing now – but that seems like a better option than dancing around it afraid to find answers you don't like.

    Anywho, I was a Religious Studies major in college and focused on Theological History — it was really enriching to study the church through history – see how it changed and how God had been shaping it. One of my favorite professors – Telford Work -(I can't speak highly enough about him) has written a book that is all about his questions and how praying through the Lords Prayer helped him through those questions — its the real deal and I think you might find a companion and some comfort in it. It's called "Ain't Too Proud To Beg" It's on amazon but I'd be more than happy to mail you my copy of it, just tell me where to send it.

    Blessings on the journey!

  4. Kurt Holdy Says:

    April 15th, 2010 at 7:32 am

    what goes up, should come down?

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